I hate unwillingly seeing the sun rise. Yes, it is beautiful to see the first glints of purple sky fading into the black of the western sky. Yes, it is a calm and peaceful time for quiet contemplation. Yes, I get to spend time  playing with Buffy on the front porch before the hustle of the day makes me ignore her. But it would be nice to do this under my own terms. It would be nice to want to do this with someone, someone that talks back. Tonight as I sit here on the porch, I contemplate drinking myself into a stupor just to be able to control when I go to sleep. If I hadn't stopped drinking to excess, this would be an option. I thought about reaching out into the internet support for insomniacs to see if anyone else wanted to talk, but the last time I talked to a stranger on the internet, the conversation became really disturbing. There are definitely some strange people out in the world. Instead, I just sit here on the couch of my living room reading what goes for Pulitzer prize literature now-a-days.
Why can't I sleep. This has never been this bad.....