Woke up late to discover six messages from HR.
" Mark has a family emergency. Would you mind taking his place as the Welcoming Management Liaison for the new hire indoc this weekend?"
Saturday, August 10, 2013
How about another since I can't sleep.
I ran away from home a couple times in my youth. It was not that I had a bad home life, my father was always at work to be able to give us whatever we needed in life and my mother was as loving and caring at one could ever hope or dream for. We may not of always gotten along throughout our lives together, but in the end we were happy. When I ran away, I didn't do it out of spite, I just have always had a nomadic urge in me. Anyway, I watched some random Afternoon Special , A "very special episode"about how kids would run away and be taken in by drug dealers or something like that to get hooked on the dangerous joints that they were passing out to everyone. I don't really remember, but I just wanted to get off of the farm. Running away seemed to me at the time like camping out anyway.
Being from my small town has it perks and cons. Most of the time, I just ended up walking into Commerce and playing the Joust arcade game at the laundromat behind Parhams restaurant since that was considered fun to me at the time. This was the perk. It was close enough that I could walk the 6 miles easily. The con was that since the town was so small, everyone knew my mother, everyone knows my grandmother. EVERYONE. I wanted to get away from what I knew, only to be welcomed by friendly smiles and conversations as I walked down Main Street. This was not what I wanted. I wanted to be a loner. I wanted to be mysterious. So, I would give up and walk home. Most of the time, Mama didn't even realize that I had even gone far. The longest I ever stayed gone was when I attempted to walk to the Firebird Truck Stop, or at least attempted to. I somehow got lost on Hospital Road and went to Will Golden's house to call Granny when the bugs from the lake were annoying me so much that I just wanted to go home. That trip got me a nice whipping.
Once Jill Bridges and I decided to we were going to run away together. Her mother asked us where we were going and we flat out told her that we were running off to Athens to live at the Mall with Tiffany, the singer Tiffany by the way. She laughed as she called my mother and asked that I make sure Jill was home by dark. (She was)
I don't specifically remember doing this but Mama often told the story about how she walked into my room once and found me packing up a suitcase. She asked what I was doing and I told her my usual "Running Away". She then proceeded to help me pack up my toys in the suitcase. She made me a brownbag lunch of some PB&J sandwiches, made sure that I had my Cookie Monster stuffed animal, and some bug spray, and wrapped them all up in a bundle on the top of a broom handle. She then insisted that I sit down for a last meal and a cartoon or two before I went out to make my way in the world. I agreed and sat down in front of the television just in time for my afternoon cartoons. I was so completely distracted by baby Kirk, Thundercats, and my sandwich with chocolate milk that I completely forgot about wanting to leave. While I was distracted she had gone back upstairs and completely unpacked everything since I had completely forgotten about the whole thing.
Being from my small town has it perks and cons. Most of the time, I just ended up walking into Commerce and playing the Joust arcade game at the laundromat behind Parhams restaurant since that was considered fun to me at the time. This was the perk. It was close enough that I could walk the 6 miles easily. The con was that since the town was so small, everyone knew my mother, everyone knows my grandmother. EVERYONE. I wanted to get away from what I knew, only to be welcomed by friendly smiles and conversations as I walked down Main Street. This was not what I wanted. I wanted to be a loner. I wanted to be mysterious. So, I would give up and walk home. Most of the time, Mama didn't even realize that I had even gone far. The longest I ever stayed gone was when I attempted to walk to the Firebird Truck Stop, or at least attempted to. I somehow got lost on Hospital Road and went to Will Golden's house to call Granny when the bugs from the lake were annoying me so much that I just wanted to go home. That trip got me a nice whipping.
Once Jill Bridges and I decided to we were going to run away together. Her mother asked us where we were going and we flat out told her that we were running off to Athens to live at the Mall with Tiffany, the singer Tiffany by the way. She laughed as she called my mother and asked that I make sure Jill was home by dark. (She was)
I don't specifically remember doing this but Mama often told the story about how she walked into my room once and found me packing up a suitcase. She asked what I was doing and I told her my usual "Running Away". She then proceeded to help me pack up my toys in the suitcase. She made me a brownbag lunch of some PB&J sandwiches, made sure that I had my Cookie Monster stuffed animal, and some bug spray, and wrapped them all up in a bundle on the top of a broom handle. She then insisted that I sit down for a last meal and a cartoon or two before I went out to make my way in the world. I agreed and sat down in front of the television just in time for my afternoon cartoons. I was so completely distracted by baby Kirk, Thundercats, and my sandwich with chocolate milk that I completely forgot about wanting to leave. While I was distracted she had gone back upstairs and completely unpacked everything since I had completely forgotten about the whole thing.
I feel like telling you a story that I should of a long time ago.
If anyone ever talks to my father about raising cattle, he will eventually bring up the infamous, Gus the horrible. Gus was a huge Santa Gertrudis bull (This is what he looked like) which Uncle Jackie had bought in hopes of starting his own breeding program on the farm. I don't know why, but Gus hated my father with a passion that would echo down through the states history. He put my father in the hospital once with a severe concussion after knocking him through a fence , broke his ribs a couple times, he rammed the broken down dumptruck my father was working on so hard that the door was crooked on it's hinges, he stomped at him what seemed every time we would do the farm wide inoculations. Gus hated my father and my Father hated Gus equally.
Now, I was around 5 or 6 when Gus came to the farm. At the time I knew no fear of any living creature. I also really didn't have any close friends to play with. I would entertain myself by playing with the animals on the farm in the times when the Kitchens were scaring me and Jill, the little girl down the street, was busy with her Girl Scout troop. Every cow on the farm was taught that I was harmless I guess and would come up to me for a salt cube that my Papa Jack taught me to keep in my pockets while in the fields. Gus to me, was just another large cow. A really really large cow... I loved walking out to the fence line near the garden and sneaking Gus a broken corn stalk. He was never aggressive toward me at all. So when Daddy would compain to Mamma about how much he hated that cow, I felt as if he was insulting my friend. When I was down about something, I would go out to the field and talk to Gus, or any other cow about my problems. (I was 5ish, don't make fun of me.)
One day, Gus wasn't in the field for one of our little talks. Daddy had been threatening to shoot Gus for a while, so I instantly assumed that he had gotten drunk again and did it. I cried all the way up the gravel driveway to Mama's arms. She called Ann and found out that Gus had gotten out in the night and was in the Bridges' field until they could all get home and transfer him back to his home field. He never came back though. A couple days later, Jackie decided that Gus was too much trouble for his worth and took him to the Round Barn Auction House. I never saw Gus again. I also didn't eat beef for a couple months after that. I was afraid that I would be eating my buddy.
It's inconsequential and rather pointless, but I wanted to share this memory with you.
Now, I was around 5 or 6 when Gus came to the farm. At the time I knew no fear of any living creature. I also really didn't have any close friends to play with. I would entertain myself by playing with the animals on the farm in the times when the Kitchens were scaring me and Jill, the little girl down the street, was busy with her Girl Scout troop. Every cow on the farm was taught that I was harmless I guess and would come up to me for a salt cube that my Papa Jack taught me to keep in my pockets while in the fields. Gus to me, was just another large cow. A really really large cow... I loved walking out to the fence line near the garden and sneaking Gus a broken corn stalk. He was never aggressive toward me at all. So when Daddy would compain to Mamma about how much he hated that cow, I felt as if he was insulting my friend. When I was down about something, I would go out to the field and talk to Gus, or any other cow about my problems. (I was 5ish, don't make fun of me.)
One day, Gus wasn't in the field for one of our little talks. Daddy had been threatening to shoot Gus for a while, so I instantly assumed that he had gotten drunk again and did it. I cried all the way up the gravel driveway to Mama's arms. She called Ann and found out that Gus had gotten out in the night and was in the Bridges' field until they could all get home and transfer him back to his home field. He never came back though. A couple days later, Jackie decided that Gus was too much trouble for his worth and took him to the Round Barn Auction House. I never saw Gus again. I also didn't eat beef for a couple months after that. I was afraid that I would be eating my buddy.
It's inconsequential and rather pointless, but I wanted to share this memory with you.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
In a meeting and should be taking notes, instead I'm doing a meme:
What I desire:
- To stand in the sun on a deserted beach, watching the waves crash onto the sand, feeling the salt water wash away the sand from beneath my feet.
- To smell homemade Chicken and Dumplings cooking in my great grandparents’ house. To see Big Granny, Little Granny, and Mama all sitting at the kitchen table snapping green beans for a family dinner later in the evening.
- To run through the forests of North Georgia again. I miss the way the land underneath me felt. I miss the way the air smells in the evening. I miss the sounds of the forest just after twilight.
- To know my loved ones are safe.
- To linger over a cup of coffee' on a busy Spanish street again. To feel the heat coming from the cup into my hands. To smell the aroma in the steam just before putting the cup to my lips.
- To see blue eyes look at me lovingly once again. The way the sun made those eyes sparkle, looking up at me with her head in my lap, was set firmly as one of my most cherished memories.
- To be able to sit and talk late into the night without the fear of anything.
- To feel as though I am enough. To believe in myself that what I have to offer, what I have become, the person that I am is enough and to stop convincing myself into believing that I have to be something or someone that I am not.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
The doctor prescribed me Xanax, but due to my past and fear that I will become addicted to them I turned down the pills flat out. He told me that if I want to cure my insomnia without pills, that I should do what sets me at ease before bed since that is what used to work for me. I didn't tell him that I am not able to do that anymore.....
I'm screwed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)